Kids these days
On “play streets,” meaning-making and child-rearing, and our “forgotten kin”
As we were collecting articles for this month’s curated list, a clear theme emerged: kids! Perhaps it’s because it’s summer break and kids are around. Perhaps it’s because talk of fertility is the discourse du jour. Or perhaps it’s because we’re in our early 30s and the all-knowing algorithms are feeding us content on having kids. Regardless of the reason, this month was full of articles that challenged and expanded our views on kids and families, including:
Stephanie Murray on how letting kids play in the streets helps adults build connection and trust
Seth Kaplan on why the decline of community is the upstream cause of the youth mental health crisis
- on why our crisis of meaning may be the real reason Americans are having fewer kids
- and on how inviting in our “forgotten kin” can provide purpose for adults and support for children
Before we jump into the meat of this week’s newsletter, we wanted to share a quick update. We’ll be transitioning from sending weekly emails to sending three emails per month: one curated list, one Q&A, and one original piece. We think this will help us focus on content quality (and our personal sanity), rather than attempting to hit a weekly publishing target that we arbitrarily set when we launched last fall.
In light of this slight change, we figured it would be a good time to get your feedback on how we can improve moving forward. We’ve included a brief survey here (and below) - if you have 2-3 minutes to fill it out, we would be genuinely grateful for your input.
Thanks, as always, for reading and for your support.
- Sam, David, + Eric
The Reads
The Atlantic - “What Adults Lost When Kids Stopped Playing in the Street” by Stephanie Murray (July 2024)
“… neighborhoods across the country have discovered that allowing kids to play out in the open has helped residents reclaim something they didn’t know they were missing: the ability to connect with the people living closest to them.”
What happens when neighborhoods collectively decide to let their kids play in the street? Drawing on examples from Europe and the U.S., Murray makes the case that “play streets” not only provide kids with crucial outlets for unstructured play and socialization, but also help adults cultivate connections and trust with their neighbors. Part of this trust-building comes from the cooperation necessary to establish “play streets” for kids. But part of it also comes from how kids function as “connective tissue for adults,” as kids’ lack of awareness of social boundaries can help adults cross these boundaries, too.
- “The Upstream Cause of the Youth Mental Health Crisis is the Loss of Community” by Seth Kaplan (August 2024)
“What matters for our kids is not online connections, but in-person relationships; not just individual friendships but the strength and abundance of neighborhood institutions.”
According to Seth Kaplan (a friend of the newsletter), the loss of real-world community is the most dominant factor driving the deterioration of youth mental health — even more so than the decline of play and the rise of phone-mediated childhoods that Haidt identifies as the culprit in The Anxious Generation. He highlights how the erosion of place-based, neighborhood communities has led to the weakening of essential institutions and norms that traditionally nurtured child development. Kaplan critiques the superficial nature of online communities, emphasizing the deep, trust-based, and commitment-focused relationships that only physical communities can provide. He concludes with practical steps for parents to help cultivate strong, supportive communities for their children, such as selecting neighborhoods rich in social ties, building relationships with neighbors, and leveraging local institutions to strengthen community bonds.
The Atlantic - “The Real Reason People Aren’t Having Kids” by Christine Emba (August 2024)
“Many in the current generation of young adults don’t seem totally convinced of their own purpose or the purpose of humanity at large, let alone that of a child. It may be that for many people, absent a clear sense of meaning, the perceived challenges of having children outweigh any subsidy the government might offer.”
Why aren’t today’s Americans having as many kids? In this piece, Emba challenges the conventional wisdom that our declining birth rate is due to materialist causes (i.e., economic insecurity, weak family benefits, etc.). Rather, she believes our declining birthrate is downstream of a deeper cause: our contemporary crisis of meaning. If young people no longer believe that human life has inherent value — much less inherent goodness — they may not long to “ensure a human future.” The answer, Emba believes, won’t be rooted in any sort of measurable government policy; instead, it must come from a deeper source.
The Work
Casper’s Newsletter - “Guncles, Godmothers, and the Need for More Good Adults in Kids’ Lives’” by Casper ter Kuile and Melanie Kahl (August 2024)
“So we’re left with a paradox. On the one hand, families are struggling and our kids are suffering. But on the other hand, we have a hidden surplus of potential creative caregiving … Parents clearly need help. Meanwhile trusted adults have capacity to support. But both sets of adults struggle to offer and ask for the help that could transform the lives of our children.”
Casper (another friend of the newsletter) and Melanie believe our “forgotten kin” — aunts, uncles, godparents, neighbors, and more — can fill a critical gap in children’s lives as safe, loving, and supportive adults. Why does this matter? Citing a recent Harvard study, they explain how “a core ingredient for positive childhood experiences is having at least two non-parental adults who take a genuine interest in the child.” And, as the number of childless adults is growing, there is a surplus of adults who have the capacity and interest in being part of the kinship village that supports young children.
However, Casper and Melanie recognize that we often lack the social scripts to invite in kinfolk, so they offer five tangible examples of how kinfolk are showing up. The “Uncling Ceremony” is for uncle-like figures to be officially inducted into their role as uncle. “Letters to Littles” is for kinfolk to become pen pals with the children in their lives. But these examples are just the start. Melanie is collecting more as part of an ongoing project — we encourage you to read the whole piece and learn more about how to get involved.
→ Read the full newsletter here.